Spent Heart

Met up with Mr. Jason Cruz today (aka Amerikan Blackheart) to...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 22:29:22 -0500

Met up with Mr. Jason Cruz today (aka Amerikan Blackheart) to pick up this beauty. I’m in awe. This guy can paint and I’ve always dreamt of owning one of his originals. So thankful!

This goes straight to my heart. Some of us will never understand...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 18:14:00 -0500

This goes straight to my heart. Some of us will never understand the value of each other and I know there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel what I’ve lost with you.

My dads father passed away the other week. Today was his memorial service and until now I had a...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 06:28:20 -0500

My dads father passed away the other week. Today was his memorial service and until now I had a very small understanding of who my grandfather was. Even now as I write this there is a large portion of me that really isn’t sure how to feel. It’s not that I’m having any issue with accepting the fact that he’s passed onto where ever it is that we go, but I just have so many questions. My only real idea of him was a bias idea given from my mother who as far as I know never got a long with him. I take her words with a grain of salt as I’ve always felt I should have my own idea of him. Life isn’t ever something without trouble so I try and look past what anger or harsh feelings may exist between my mother and grandfather.

Hearing his children speak of him like they did today really gave me a sense of the kind of person he was perceived to be. It sounded like he was the grandfather you read about in books or see in movies. One of the good ones. They spoke of all their great memories and of all the things he taught them through out life. It’s a marvelous thing to hear someone commerate a loved one with such kind words and thoughts. It really proves to you that all quarrels or misunderstandings aside we really have a special thing on this earth together. Something that transends words and really can only be understood in your own thoughts and heart. Something you can call your own and is truly unique and without the chance of being stolen.

I’ll be honest and admit I really wish I had gotten to know him better. I don’t blame myself or anyone for that matter though. It’s not something I really need an explination for. Our lives just didn’t really intertwine too much. I did see him as a child from time to time. My father would bring me over to his house for dinners and some family gathers usually around the holidays. I remember it was as his children described. It was what you’d wish for from a grandparent. I’d sit in their living room and stack blocks upon each other and try so hard to get those 100 peice puzzles together. I’d always ask for a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich and I assume it was their many years of life that gave them the ability to make such a perfect sandwhich. Till this day I’ve never really had one so perfectly mixed with the right amount of jelly and peanut butter. They just had that touch a grandparent can only posses.

I wish that I had the chance to talk with him about his stories growing up. I can only imagine how it must have been to grow up in a country that just began to get it’s bearings. I wonder how it would be to be there as it all started to expand. Music, space exploration, wars, cars, just about everything that I can think of. I would have loved to hear about his time in the service during the second World War. As much as I may fear war it’s always been fascinating to me. I wonder how it was for him to first learn to drive and where he’d go. All of these conversations I could see myself getting lost in for hours at a time. It’s something I feel I could have really related with him upon. A good story and some laughs is all I’d really ask for.

So really I’d like to pay my respect here. From all the words spoken today I can tell he was a good man. He raised a family, was married for many years, served in the war, owned his own business, he did it all. It means a lot to me that someone could bless so many others with such fond memories and lessons. It’s all we really have to give others in our time alive. It’s what I hold highest in my life. I truly hope when the day comes that I leave I can leave those I love so dearly the same memories and lessons my grandfather left his loved ones. May you rest in piece, Jim. You deserve it and I’ll always remember you despite our time being brief. Thank you for all you’ve given me as it can’t be measured in my heart.

I’m not going to lie, for once I’d really like to be told it’ll all be alright....

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 04:43:02 -0500

I’m not going to lie, for once I’d really like to be told it’ll all be alright. That I’m doing just fine and I’ve got someone who truly cares.

Talk about feelin gutted. It’s much like a fleeting image burned into the rear of your eye....

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 06:54:27 -0500

Talk about feelin gutted. It’s much like a fleeting image burned into the rear of your eye. Stare too long and the blinding light will make it’s way in. Below your heart and beyond your head.

I haven’t quite got a clue why my hearts always the victim but it’s always a certain...

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 04:43:08 -0500

I haven’t quite got a clue why my hearts always the victim but it’s always a certain assortment of directionless moments and glances that turn into this kind of lure. A lure I don’t believe anyone could ignore. It’s probably the closest anyone could get to “God”. Some indescribable chaos we struggle to try and define and give purpose to. An attempt at making fate and reality truth. Does a killer know they’ll be a killer from the moment death becomes a truth? Does a heart know it’ll someday spend it’s entire ration of care on a random soul? I don’t know. I just know how ever this turns out my soul has been through the ringer. It’s time for a rest.

Feelin it…

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 09:44:58 -0500

Feelin it…

It’s honestly so difficult not to feel insane. I’m so afraid this will never pass. I...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 11:11:33 -0500

It’s honestly so difficult not to feel insane. I’m so afraid this will never pass. I feel like it shouldn’t. Why should you give up something you know is one of the most important roles within your self and all life? I don’t want to have such a small grip on my self control but I really can’t do it. My heart is an unavoidable weakness of mine. There’s no way this all can add up to nothing, there’s just way too much there. Too many past nights and days spent growing. A tree doesn’t reach for the sky so it can fall.

It’s nice to see 59’ at the bottom for once! Not...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 21:51:33 -0400

It’s nice to see 59’ at the bottom for once! Not that the album is bad at all, it’s just everyone seems to adore it and forget about how good the others are. Their iTunes session is also way too good.

Does anyone else out there agree?

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 21:45:14 -0400

I’ve been listening to the Gaslight Anthem a whole lot lately and I’ve come to a conclusion:

Top to bottom

America Slang
Sink or Swim
Handwritten
59’ Sound

by any chance did you buy an extra ticket to the ajj show ??

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 02:27:13 -0400

I do not, sorry. Have you tried calling the venue? Sometimes they have a few available to purchase at the door.

Video

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 00:20:14 -0400

So thankful to have a few good record stores only 30 mins from...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 06:07:38 -0400

So thankful to have a few good record stores only 30 mins from my house. Buying things online just isn’t the same. (Taken with Instagram)

ashadowphantomeffigy: I think someone should bring me Rusty’s pizza right now. The 2 Rustys pizza...

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 17:51:38 -0400

ashadowphantomeffigy:

I think someone should bring me Rusty’s pizza right now.

The 2 Rustys pizza parlors in Ventura have been replaced….. by Pizza Man Dan…… he just signed his own death warnt didn’t he?

I now have tickets for Against Me, Joyce Manor, and Andrew Jackson Jihad at the SLO Brewing Co in...

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 17:30:00 -0400

I now have tickets for Against Me, Joyce Manor, and Andrew Jackson Jihad at the SLO Brewing Co in September. I’m looking forward to this very much so….. Ps. How is this not sold out?!

Lovesick blues anyone?

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 12:06:05 -0400

Lovesick blues anyone?

Photo

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 08:31:37 -0400

Green Day and Against Me should just put their new records out tomorrow. I’m not good at...

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 01:56:41 -0400

Green Day and Against Me should just put their new records out tomorrow. I’m not good at waiting….

I saw Green Day last night and I lost my mind. I’ve never had so much fun while being so damn...

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 21:29:37 -0400

I saw Green Day last night and I lost my mind. I’ve never had so much fun while being so damn sweaty in my life.

Ps. Wild One is a killer song, look it up on YouTube.

Video

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 05:23:03 -0400